currently i have been looking everywhere for help. the first place i would have went were my friends, but through a few messed up situations i have lost most of them. at least the ones i need the most at a time like this. so my next place would be counciling, but no, i dont think so. then i went to kids help phone. went to post there today, and guess what? they arent accepting posts right now. wonderful isnt it? tryed calling the one person i could, and they were "busy" so i know this sounds a little gay, but im pretty lonely right now. so, i dunno. i just want to feel better. i know how it feels to be happy. actually, the past six months of my life were the happiest i had ever been. since grade seven i have though of killing myself. then i met a girl. she changed my life when we met. i smiled at the stupidest things, and it felt so good. ive never met someone who could do that to me. but, like anything worht having, i lost her. so here i am, back where i started. and i realize that this is life, so suck it up right? stop whinning? be a man? i only wish it was all that simple. because now, i have gotten so good at faking a smile, no one in my life knows i feel this way, thats how good i am. i help people out when i can, and when i do, i feel really good about myself, it makes me think, well today was actually worht living. something as simple as holding a door, or letting someone infront of me in line is enough to make me feel i made someone elses day better. but recently, i was trying to help my ex. she is depressed, and i was talking her into telling her parents. then she asked the inevitable, how are you doing? and for some reason, i cant fool her. and i wish i could. because then i could still fell good about helping her out, but now she is worried about me. she doesnt really "care" about me per se, she likes to think she does, but i know for a fact. im guessing no one here can help me, because really, i didnt ask a question did i? i dunno, maybe if someone out there knows something i dont about making yourself feel better when you dont, then some advice would be nice

Give yourself space. Accept that you aren't happy right now. Don't fight it. Then, once you have accepted the situation for what it is (most people go through these same feelings regularly throughout their lives), look inside yourself for the answers. Does your mind constantly race with thoughts about how you stink at this or that or could be better at this or that...always wanting something you don't seem to have? Start by loving yourself for the person you are right now. Flaws and all, the whole ball of wax. Everyone's mind plays tricks on them, its just that some people are more receptive to the pain that it inflicts on itself, yourself. Your are in pain, no doubt. Emotionally and eventually it will become physical as well. And believe it or not, we all thrive on pain. You know why? Because pain is easy to have. It takes a more centered/grounded person to discover the peace that is innate in all of us. It takes awareness of our own racing thoughts...our own negativity...our own need for pain, to unlock the secret to living as we were meant to live. Living at peace, that is. Check out a book, if you are serious about wanting things to change. A New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle. I think it will help you immensely. Good luck to you in your journey. We all have the same journey by the way...so please know that you are not alone. You are a little farther ahead than most actually, because you're getting tired of being unhappy. That's progress. So, check out the book. Good luck, again.