I am in law school, I just got off academic probation and I have a final coming up. I work at a bar that I love, have a wonderful boyfriend that is crazy about me, and a really supportive friends and family network.

WHY can't I just cheer up and get over it?? I have a great life, but I live in a state of fear that I am going to fail and whatever I'm doing next. I am frozen with panic all the time, and the combination of my general anxiety and severe depression make me so confused and upset all the time. I am crabby to my boyfriend and ignore all of my phone calls. No one knows who I really am.

I have a difficult time staying on my meds because the only thing that works for my depression makes me hyperventilate with panic attacks.

This sucks.

I'm in dental school and feeling like I'm in a similar situation. I almost got held back a year (avoided academic probation by hitting the very minimum GPA), I'm taking finals and boards, and to top it off, my relationship just ended.

I can't sleep, concentrate, or just MOVE. I've been diagnosed with depression before (when I burned out after a few months of starting dental school) and took Lexapro. I had come to a point where I would feel so sad I'd constantly be choked up and on the verge of tears, but the night sweats were so bad that I would have rather been miserable. I started exercising more, sleeping more, reaching out to my friends and family more. That was fine for a while.

Now my doctor thinks I might have slipped into another episode, but we haven't decided whether or not I'm actually bipolar (sometimes I'm just way too happy and energetic), and I only decided earlier today that its NOT okay to be bulimic, and that I want to address it (after 12 years of fooling myself into thinking it was for the best, and putting up with being miserable enough to not go out over the 7 lousy pounds I've gained this year). Anyway, both of those things are contraindications to what I'm on now: Wellbutrin.

Part of me doesn't want to address those other concerns. I want to know this might work, and that there isn't some gauntlet to run through and that I'm messed up in some really complicated way, instead of managing what are some stressful times.

Anyway
I don't think you can "just get over it". I really believe those neurotransmitters are dysfunctional....serotonin and norepinephrine and rest of the cast of characters. I think grad school makes it hard to take care of yourself the way you need to (eat, sleep, exercise) and that we end up having to compromise a lot of ourselves to get through it. So I hope it gets better for us. And I've decided I'm going to start seeing a therapist once a week, and since meds aren't an option for you, maybe you should too?

I had a pretty hectic job schedule for a while. Sometimes I worked as long as 15 hours a day at my desk job. That's craziness! I felt burnt out and depressed, anxious, panicy. I finally went to my family doc and he gave me an ssri. I've been on that for a year now and things just seem so much easier to do. Even if I have to work a long day, which is more like 10 hours, it's like I am more okay with it now. Like I can look on the bright side of things. If Lexapro helped you before, why not try it again? Like you, I believe that neurotransmitters have something to do with the way I feel. Now I just feel better.

Best of luck,
Mark Wolff