i am so sick of being depressed my wife is cheating on me i found out by reading her txt messages on her phone.i feel stuck and i don't even know what to do we have two kids and i hate my job. why is my life so screwed up? what did i do?

Whatever, Jason. I get ya. I feel like I want to get over my depression, but how can I when so much of how my life goes depends on the actions of others? It sucks tht you had to snoop to find out that your wife was cheating. I once broke into my boyfriend's e-mail account and found soem stuff that made me mad. It's sad that peopel are such liars.

It's really hard to deal with things like this for normal people, but people with our disease I feel love deeper and harder than everyone else. Sometimes it helps to remember that it's your depression talking and not your real personality talking about what you should do. Stop, take a deep breath, and focus on the fact that the level of sadness you have now is only equal to the level of happiness you can achieve when you find something that gives you inner peace.

I feel for you jason, i really do. but it seems like now, you're just wallowing in self pity. SNAP OUT OF IT! i find that i always tend to get depressed because of indecision. so what's next?? are you going to confront your cheating wife or are you going to up and leave or both?? i gurantee you that once you take some ownership in the relationship you'll feel a lot more empowered. what are your options with the kids?? don't stay stuck in a rut jason!! break out of that!!

Jason,

It's totally understandable that you'd be upset about your situation. It is always difficult when relationships change, especially if we find out that the other person has been lying to us. I really do feel for you in your situation.

I can actually share some experience with you on this. I broke into my boyfriend's e-mail once and found some messages with women that I didn't like. I confronted him. Through the process, though, I had to see that I'd also broken his trust by breaking into his e-mail. If I had suspicions, I would have felt better about the situation if I'd said something to him rather than acting dishonestly myself. It is often our own actions that add to our negative feelings about a situation.

What helped me through that was being strong enough and loving myself enough to say, "I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who does things behind my back that disrespect our relationship." I also gained a lot of strength and solace from taking the focus off of him and what he had done and putting it on how I could take that experience and use it to make myself a better person. Now, when I feel the urge to snoop, I remember that it's not the person I want to be, and I refrain. Instead, I talk about my feelings--my fears, my hopes, and my insecurities--with the other person and hope that they're honest with me in return.

You also don't have to take what she's done personally. It's easy to believe that if you were better or "good enough," she wouldn't have cheated. Actually, her behavior says more about her than it says about you. Believe in your own goodness, and you'll find that you're a lot stronger than you think you are. Redirect your energies toward something positive, and, of course, bring up what you've found with her in a calm, respectful way. You may need to move on from this relationship, but that doesn't mean you've failed. Look for the lessons and the gifts.

Love and Light,
Nan Little
123 Feel Better Wellness Advisor

Jason,

You should write down what you want out of your life. Be specific but concise. List about 5 things. Do they match what you have in your life now? If not, start working on how to achieve it. It is so hard when you are so down but I have been there and if you really want to have those things you listed, you will find a way. I am not saying "I want to be rich" and then make it happen..I mean real things like

"I want children"
"I want to to have a happy and faithful best friend as my partner"
etc....

Then list 5 things you wanted in the past that you did acheive. It motivates you because you'll realize you CAN get what you want out of your life. Carry it with you. Mine is in my wallet and I'm on my 2nd round because I completed the first list and it is an amazing feeling. Even when I am feeling down, I look at it and it helps.
You mentioned your wife is cheating...then she isn't being a wife and you need to move on. Enjoy your children as a single dad, switch careers, go on a mini vacation, whatever it is. Take time for yourself. Your cheating wife is not an example of you, that is on her and you should let it go.

Good luck!