Please can someone help me ..my problem isn't letting go of my own past but that of my partners. I have suffered with anxiety for about 15 years now. One of my main problems is that I go over and over in my head thinking about my boyfriend with former partners/ lovers. It has happened with every relationship I have had. I am now in the most perfect one ever, we are engaged and expecting a baby later this year but the one thing ruining it is my obsession with his ex. He never really loved her, he cheated on her and I know he would never go back there. I'm not jealous or worried, I don't know WHAT the problem is to be honest but I just have to keep going over things in my head. I want it to stop before it destroys everything I have. Please can anyone help, or at least tell me that I'm not alone in this! Thank you.

I know how you feel, but I make it a point to tell myself that if he wanted to be with her, that is where he would be, and at the same time I have to tell myself that he may at times also have the same feelings I do about ex's...I think it is just part of the course in todays world where everything is so open and people experiment so much. When those thoughts and feelings come to me...if he is close by, I will give him a hug and a kiss and tell him I love him and when he gives back to me the hug and the kiss, then I know and I can really feel it in my heart that we are connected and I think each time I have those thoughts or feelings and I go through the motions as above...it makes us love each other all the more...and eventually one day you will wake up and those thoughts and feelings will be gone, because you will get past that point and go to where you truly, whole heartedly feel it in your heart and you will know that it really is all good, and everything is going to be just fine...wait until that baby comes.....its a whole new world and each day in different ways you two will constantly be reaffirming your thoughts and feelings and that there alone is one of the most wonderful things in the world.
Good luck with the new baby...and good luck in finding peace within yourself to be able to give that man your full attention without the ex's ever coming into mind again...confidence is another key...always have confidence in yourseld and who you are...

I can honestly say that you are not alone. After getting out of a horrible marriage, and remarrying, i found myself looking back instead of forward. These feelings were made stronger by my pregnancy (and after) to the point where I actually contacted an ex. The drug Well butrin has actually made this worse. It is nice to hear that someone else has looked back as I have. I am trying to stay focused on the heere and now and what is right in front of me. Nothing I can do now will change the past- no matter how hard I want it to.

GET RID OF THE EX'S THEN THEY CANT EVER GO BACK TO THEM.....

DONT WORRY YOUR NOT ALONE! TRUST ME I KNOW WHAT YOU FEEL I ALSO HAVE THE PERFECT PERSON IN MY LIFE THE TRUTH IS ITS THE ONLY PERSON I'VE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE AND SHE'S AMAZING IN FACT I KNOW SHE'S AN ANGEL SENT BY GOD TO HELP ME BUT I KNOW THAT I WILL WRECK WHAT I HAVE,SHE DID THE CRAZY THING WHEN WE FIRST MET OF GOING INTO GREAT DETAIL ABOUT HER FIRST EVER SEX SESION WITH SOME LOW LIFE DRUGGY I KNOW SHE MUST HAVE HAD FEELINGS FOR ,WHY ELSE WOULD SHE HAVE GAVE HIM HER VIGINERTY OR EVEN HAD SEX WITH HIM FOR THAT MATTER. I HAVE PICTURES ALWAYS IN MY HEAD OF HOW GOOD IT WOULD HAVE BEEN FOR HER.
TO ME HER VIGINATY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING SHE COULD HAVE GIVEN ME BUT INSTEAD SHE GAVE IT SOME LOW LIFE DRUGGY WHO WILL ALWAYS SEE IT AS A EASY SHAG THAT HE GOT.
THE FEELINGS I HAVE START FROM THE SECOND I WAKE UNTIL THE LAST THING AT NIGHT NOTHING CAN MAKE IT GO AWAY.
I WILL HAVE THESE THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD UNTIL THE DAY I DAY THAT I KNOW.
WHATS MADE THINGS WORSE NOW IS THAT I HAVE MADE A PROMISE THAT I CANT EVER BRING IT UP AGAIN IN FACT IT WAS MUCH MORE THAN A PROMISE YOU COULD SAY THAT MY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT SO I JUST HAVE TO KEEP IT ALL IN MY HEAD DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAY.
ALL I CAN SAY IS WELCOME TO MY WORLD ITS CALLED HELL AND ITS A VERY DARK PLACE TO BE
I'M NOT SURE IF GETTING RID OF HER EX'S WILL HELP BUT I DO THINK ITS START.

I have constant challenges with Mind Frik - and find that 2 remedies help for the anxiety and for my own returning self-loathing. I take Coffea (homeopathic remedy) to help create a calm mind and to
help with getting to sleep, and 5HTP for overall sense of well being. I also find that Zen Meditations such as "...may I be filled with Loving Kindness..." is, for me, a wonderful distraction to bring me back and focus on my inner strength and not what I judge myself to be.

Hehe looks like i joined a club, i have the smae issue about stuff that happend over 7 years ago, and it was never really bad until recently. My wife lied to me about something that is somewhat really insignifigant but now my mind just keeps running to think of what she might have lied to me about before. I don't know if one of you find a good answer let me know cause i'll have to try it. Right now i'm just doing my best to keep my mouth shut this way i don't push her away.

PLEASE! Find a psychiatrist to talk with about this because the talk therapy is what FINALLY STOPPED MY RELIVING MY PAST -- I am nearly 60 YRS OLD and it has taken me soooooo long to finally get to a shrink BUT IT WAS WORTH IT! She was 77 yrs old and I thought, "She will be like my mother I am sure" and I almost didn't go! She turned out to be a REAL GEM -- she and I GOT EACH OTHER and she let me unload all the crap that I kept repeating to myself all these years! Once that happened (it took about 8 visits with her) I WAS FREE AT LAST. IT FELT LIKE A THOUSAND LB. LOAD OFF MY MIND!!!!!!!!! You are not alone in this kind of re-hashing crap -- crazy things our minds can do to us that really spoil our lives and it will go on forever UNTIL and ONLY IF you find a way to get it OUT.

You have your whole life ahead of you and the love of your husband and a special child you two will love unconditionally! LOOK FORWARD and not backwards . You will forever stumble if you look backwards because you will NEVER see your future!!! Your husband and baby are your special love future! E N J O Y ! GOD BLESS.

Hi Jane,

To start with - I am sure you are not alone. Most people experience negative thought patterns from time to time; however, it is really important to make sure that they don't continue to rule your headspace!

A good suggestion would be to try and train your mind to think more positively when those thoughts arise. Sometimes it is easier said that done and it may take some time; however, keep practicing and you will get there! I have listed a few helpful tips on how to think more positively -

When those thoughts arise:-
- Ask yourself what are the effects of thinking this way. Is it going to benefit you or will it only comprimise your happiness and your relationship.
- Remember that your partner is with you because he wants to be with you. You are starting a family together which shows great commitment and love for one another.
- What would you tell your friends and family if they were having these thoughts and were asking you for advice?
- Allow the thoughts to pass through your mind rather then challenge them. Acknowledge them, then allow them to leave.

I hope I have been of some assistance to you.

I wish you all the best - especially with your up and coming wedding and the birth of your precious child.

Take Care,
Cassie
Happy Life Space

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